The John Hart Solution
by Watertreker568
Summary: AKA How John can solve all problems. Does exactly as it says on the tin. You suggest an issue in Torchwood/Doctor Who/Real Life, and I shall attempt to make all well utilizing one Captain John Hart in a creative manner. Will have Gwen Bashing. First Chapter: CoE Fix-It.
1. Chapter 1: Day 1 and a half

The John Hart Solution

AKA How John can solve all problems. Does exactly as it says on the tin. You suggest an issue in Torchwood/Doctor Who/Real Life, and I shall attempt to make all well utilizing one Captain John Hart in a creative manner. And please no "soandso needs a date" things… First Chapter: CoE fix-it.

Disclaimer: No, RTD got a sex change, then stole the Lazarus machine, made him/herself sixteen and hormonal, then moved into rural east-coast America. Yep, that tots happened.

I told you I would be starting a new fic. So, I will need support/suggestions. Also, do you want it to be a big or small solution (demonstrated by the first two chapters).

LOVE EVERYONE! Xoxo Oceane~

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Chapter One: Small CoE Fix-It; Day 1.5

John groaned, more than annoyed as his wrist strap stared to bleep at him.

"What the hell is that?" a bleary Welsh voice demanded from the bed next to him.

'Fucking aliens.' John thought, snarling quietly as he propped himself on one elbow. Too tired to actually be bothered opening his wrist strap the normal way, 'not even Jack is up this early, Damnnit,' he pulled the cover off with his teeth.

"Only the end of the bleeding world." John growled at the readings, then changing into a put-upon sigh. "Seems I'm needed. Again."

"No, you're not." Andy contradicted, grabbing whatever part of his Boyfriend was closest. This turned out to be his elbow. "You are staying here, and keeping me warm, and the world can fucking end."

John sighed, rolling his eyes at the younger man.

"I know, but then I won't be able to take you out to dinner at that little American place that you've wanted to try, since the world will have ended, won't it?"

"I hate it when you make sense." The blond PC muttered

"No you don't." John chuckled, pressing a kiss to his bedmate's messy hair, before regrettably leaving the warmth of their shared bed. He got dressed quickly, finding that he quite enjoyed knowing that Andy was watching as he hopped on one foot to get into his jeans.

"Enjoying the show?" he asked cheekily, turning back to the other man as he strapped on his katana. The gun holsters could wait.

Despite still having a lingering coating of sleep, a devious spark could be seen in the Constable's eyes.

"Do that every morning and I might become a fan of waking up." He replied cheekily, propping himself up on one elbow, and letting the sheets slide down off his chest. John visibly shuddered with the effort of not stripping and jumping whole-heartedly (pun fully intended) back into bed.

"Tempter." He accused, with absolutely no malice in his voice.

"You love it." Andy teased John with a coy smile.

"That I do." John replied, smirking. "That I do." With that, he turned back to the closet, pulling out a rather large cardboard box. Of course, Andy had not been pleased with John stashing his artillery in their closet, saying it was too obvious, but in the end, as always, John got his way.

"Scoot." He ordered, pulling what looked like a larger version of an Ipad out of the box. Reluctantly, Andy moved to make room for John on the bed once more.

"What is it?" he asked, as his boyfriend reclaimed his seat.

"I dunno." John replied, fiddling with the buttons and typing rapidly on the scrolling images. Andy realized he really needed to at least learn the Romanization of John's language.

"See here?" he gestured to the screen, finally showing some kind of map. "There was a massive energy spike, I'd go so far as to say it was a teleport, at six fifty-seven Am, at…" John rattled off a series of coordinated, which clearly made sense to him.

"So where is that?" Andy asked, intrigued. The map John was looking at seemed to be a 3D diagram of Part of Europe.

"Somewhere in London…" John muttered, resuming his typing at a furious pace. Andy wondered briefly why Jack hadn't hired him in the aftermath of the 'Gray incident'. John was as reverential about technology as Tosh had been, and he was sure that the ex time agent would be an excellent fit within the broken team. But that wasn't his concern.

"It's near that big stream you lot have…" John continued dismissively, focused on tracking the signal. Andy scoffed.

"One, It's not my lot. I'm Welsh, thank you. And two, that 'stream' is the biggest river in England."

"Really. Looks pretty small from space." John commented. "There! Forty three feet above sea level, so top floor, building number…" he fiddled with the controls. "… It's in the Thames house."

"Great." Andy replied sarcastically.

"Could be worse."

"How could it be worse John?"

"They could have proper firewalls." John answered with a smirk, which simply caused Andy to roll his eyes again.

"You hacked into MI-5? Seriously?"

"Well, you know what they say." John shrugged, getting a good look at what he was dealing with. "Know your enemy."

"I'm not sure that applies to this situation, John." Andy tried to sound disapproving.

"You can arrest me later." John assured him, clearly busy doing mental calculations about tensile strength and energy discharge.

"Oh really." Andy smirked, thinking that he would be within his rights as an officer to put John under house arrest for an indefinite period of time.

John paused his typing, fixing Andy with an odd look. "Something tells me you aren't thinking about sticking me in the County Jail."

"No, I was thinking a more… personal punishment." Andy grinned, tracing the hem of John's jeans. John chuckled, sorely tempted to ignore the rest of the planet and let Andy do whatever he was planning. But the world sort-of needed to survive for him to be born. So…

"As tempting as that is, Andy, I really need to get back to the bad aliens." John gently removed Andy's hand from his leg. As the younger man pouted, John slid back to the floor, unceremoniously upending the contents of the box on the floor.

Andy seemed worried when John came back from the pile with the disabled explosive which may have been attached to his wrist a little over a year ago.

"You said that thing was better left buried." Andy pointed out, sitting up in bed. John gave a half-grimace half-smile.

"I said that before Aliens tried taking my ancestors." John corrected him.

"Oh."

Several hours later, Andy was dressed and John held a messenger bag. As John worked on what he carried, Andy had been called by the department, requesting all able officers to the station.

"Don't say anything, alright?" John instructed, giving his hand an affectionate squeeze. Andy rolled his eyes.

"Of course John, I'm going to walk into the station and announce that my boyfriend, who happens to be from the future, is going to bomb the top floor of the MI-5 building in order to get rid of a group of aliens. Do you think I want to live in an insane asylum?"

John smirked. "Just being careful."

With that, he pressed a kiss to Andy's lips, before stepping back, already typing the coordinates into his manipulator.

"Be back before you know it." He promised with a wink, disappearing into the thin air of Andy's flat.

When he re-materialized, he was on the eighth floor of the Thames house.

"Great." He muttered, running down the hallway in search of a staircase. As he ran, he pulled every fire alarm he could find. If he was right about these bogeys, then it was better that nobody was in the building. He didn't even consider that he was highly memorable, and several dozen witnesses ran past him every second, and he was about to blow up a good portion of the upper floors.

Never once did he think that he would actually get arrested.

But that's for the future. Right now, John was tearing up the staircases, taking them two at a time and smashing glass covers on alarms as he want. Try as he might, he couldn't shake the concern that rushed through him as his bag bounced around wildly.

'I am totally breaking ever explosives handling class in history.' He thought as he finally ran out onto the thirteenth floor.

Settling himself, John recovered from his long run outside the door, behind which was apparently a pair of aliens. And not the nice kind. If they were going to take him seriously, John had to be in full on Time Agent mode. The Agency had developed a reputation for itself of cruelty, mercilessness and torture. No creature in their right minds crossed a time agent.

John only hoped that the bastards were sane.

"What are you?" the whatever it was asked the instant John stepped into the room. He smiled coyly. Clearly they could tell that he wasn't like any of the humans they had come across in the past.

"Captain John Hart." He replied smoothly. "And you are mining a class 5 planet."

"It is not mining." The disembodied voice answered. "It is harvesting."

John snorted. "Not according to the Shadow Proclamation it isn't."

The aliens were silent, seeming to wait to see what he had to say. John smirked.

"Oh, but you have no idea." He chuckled. "You have no Idea that I know who you are. I know what you've done. And I know that it stops here." His voice turned serious. "Macra."

The alien threw itself against the glass, spewing fluids and screeching in anger or terror, John couldn't tell which, at the mention of its species name.

"How." The Macra demanded. "How do you know. How."

John grinned, enjoying being the smartest guy in the room. He was also enjoying the fact that the cameras behind him were filming, and were sending all the information straight to Torchwood. Hopefully Jack wouldn't let him rot with UNIT. That would suck.

"Oh, but you still don't get it." He snickered. "You, oh so intelligent arthropods, still haven't gotten the point!"

The speaker fell silent, as John's tone turned deadly once more.

"You forgot to ask what I am captain of."

"What?" the voice demanded. John smiled grimly, with no sign of amusement.

"Captain Jon Hart." He re-introduced himself. "Former Time Agent."

The creature spat and screeched again, and this time John was certain that it was in terror.

"What do you want?" they demanded.

"I want you gone." John answered.

"No." the speaker vibrated. "You will leave."

"Not with you still on this planet."

"Then you will stay. But you will surrender."

"Not a chance honey. See, I've got it on good word that right now, there're two little ones being started, and I am not letting you screw that up."

Of course John knew that Jack and Gwen were both pregnant. Ianto and Rhys had a cursed nine months ahead of him. John had the common sense to find a Birth control that worked before he started dating Andy.

"You will yield." It was an order. Too bad John left all days of obedience behind him.

"Yeah, No."

"You have yielded in the past."

"Who, me? I wasn't here to yield in the past. You must have me confused with some twentieth century jerk-off."

"You will yield."

"I will not."

"You will-"

John burst out laughing, cutting off the sentence.

"Why are you making noise, human?"

That only made him laugh harder.

"Is that the only thing you can say? 'You will yield'?" John mimicked, mocking the alien. "Is that your only response? 'You will yield'?"

"What is humorous?" the voice asked again.

"You called me human." John chortled. "Nobody's called me that since I was ten."

"You are human."

"I am not." John ground his teeth. "I was born on the Andromeda colony, in the year 5032. My grandparents were a quarter-Mara and a Krillitane, while their mates were whatever passed as human in that century. My mother had green skin. I. Am. Not. Human."

"You will leave."

John growled, frustrated by how this was going. These Macra were clearly not the smartest their species had produced.

"No. I won't." he barked in response. "I will not leave, because I want you gone."

"You would risk war?"

John smirked, a deadly glint in his eyes.

"A one Man war. Have you never studied human history, Macra? Particularly American history? They waged a whole war because one man stood up and said no."

"You are but one."

"Goddess you're thick. That's the point. One man, with a cause behind him. And you still don't bloody get it!"

John dropped his bag on the floor, extracting a cube from the backpack.

"Temporally linked explosive device. I'm giving you ten seconds to get your fucking collective crustacean asses off this planet. And if you aren't out of this system and on your way back home in four clicks then consider yourselves dead."

"You are lying."

"Normally, you would be right." John acquiesced."But I have never been more serious in my life."

"You would not dare." The Macra contested. "You would not kill yourself. You smell of mating."

John smirked. Sometimes he forgot how sensitive aliens were compared to 21st century humans. Maybe he should stop having sex the night before the world ends.

"But you've forgotten again." He stepped closer, clearly threatening. "Time. Agent. Idiots. I can be out of here before you even realize the bomb is set."

"We are but Two."

"But there are three more transmitters, connected to this one, currently being very conveniently deposited inside your ship by the Rift." John beamed, a malicious gleam entering his eyes. "Transmitters that will concentrate the temporal flux ejected by this explosive around your ship, sending it right through the rift at the heart of the Orion nebula." John thought about the crack that the Agency had left open, which not even the doctor knew about. Well, not yet anyway.

"You lie."

"I don't." John smirked, stepping closer to the tank. "And you know what really gets me?"

He didn't actually get a response, but he hadn't expected one anyways.

"You just let me talk." He grinned, slamming the explosive device against the glass so hard the surface buckled, forcing the object to remain lodged in place.

"The one thing you should never do," John cautioned, backing away, "Is let a time agent talk. Cause before you know it…" he programmed his wrist computer, setting the teleport to the London train station [since going straight to Cardiff came with the risk of getting sucked in by the rift] "I've gone and done something stupid, like… pre-set the detonation sequence on a temporal explosive device."

With a wink, a grin, and that fading comment, John teleported out of the building, just as the bomb went off.

"You're welcome." He muttered to no one and everyone in general, as he turned away from the smoke billowing over a building, now out of sight. He figured that no one would ever have to know what he had done. They'd blame it on the weather or the Doctor or something. (Little did he know that half of the conversation had been translated across the world through the children). With a nonchalant shrug, he headed into the subway tunnels. He would be back in Cardiff with just enough time to surprise Andy before he got off shift.

Later that evening, John lay in bed, his boyfriend on top of him and a set of police handcuffs keeping his wrists attached to the bed frame.

"See, when you said you'd have to arrest me, I thought you were joking." John pointed out, wriggling unconvincingly. Andy smirked. While John was reduced to wearing nothing but his boxers, the PC was still fully clothed in his work outfit.

"Oh, you did, did you?"

John grinned, seeing the mischievous glint that had entered the other man's eye.

"Taught me right, didn't it."

"Oh, I don't know." Andy traced John's face with his truncheon [and no, that isn't a euphemism. See the T rating people]. "I think you could stand to be taught a few more things."

"Do tell."

John's eyes dilated as Andy whispered his plans for "educating" him in his ear. And, well, if Jack called him several times demanding if he knew anything about the explosion at the Thames house, he was technically under arrest. Just not legally.

Eh, semantics.

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AN: and yes, I do know that I just made John related to two very, very bad species. But I think it adds to the complexity of him. That might not stay the same through other chapters. Hope you enjoyed, and remember, chapter three and on will rely on your comments, so suggest problems John can fix!


	2. Chapter 2: Children of Oops?

The John Hart Solution

Chapter Two: Children of… Oops?

Or the "Big" solution to Children of Earth (I find a very odd, easy way to solve the problem, involving time and breaking several laws of physics. Named so because you must often look at the BIG picture to get it.)

Disclaimer: Gwen/Jack is nasty and should burn. Thus I do not own Torchwood.

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_In The Fifty First Century_

"Hey."

"Hey yourself." Jack looked up from the file he was skimming through. "uh-oh. What did you do?"

John shrugged, still grinning.

"What says I did anything?"

"Because you're grinning. And it's your, 'I just pulled off the mother of all cons and got away scotch free' grin."

"You're right." John smiled. "Wanna know?"

"Sure." Jack rolled his eyes at his partner [in all sixteen definitions, they'll have you know]. No matter how much older they got, John would never grow up. Five years/two weeks had proved that much.

"I interfered with a fixed point in time." John confided proudly. To his dismay, Jack's only reaction was a raised eyebrow.

"You did did you? And which one, pray tell. There are 47 fixed points John."

"That's for me to know and the Agency never to figure out." He beamed, dropping himself down on the bed. "Now, I can guarantee that I have a better way to spend the rest of the day than reading that thing."

Jack couldn't do anything but roll his eyes as John discarded the data pad over his shoulder.

"I Swear I will never understand you."

"But that's what you love about me."

_In The Twenty First Century_

"John, what day is it?"

"Umm… Tuesday?"

"No, seriously."

John checked the computer, telling Jack the earth date.

"Why does it matter?"

"Doesn't that seem familiar to you?"

John thought for a moment, puzzled. Then, he recognized the numbers, and couldn't help the grin that spread across his face.

"Now I do."

Jack looked puzzled. John smirked.

"Remember that con I pulled with the fixed point in time?"

Jack nodded warily.

"Well, now you know which 46 it WASN'T."

"Oh." Jack's eyes went wide. "Wait, you mean…"

"I might have blown up the Macra homeworld in 1966 after they took the first kids."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"And you really got away with it." He sounded disbelieving.

"Sure. They had enough colonies that timelines didn't get scrambled that much. The kids just won't start chanting."

"Wait, that… oh. Crap. You mean…"

John waited for Jack to manage a complete sentence that grammar check would approve of.

"Thank you."

"No problem. Now, are you going to take Eyecandy out on that Date, or do I get him?"

"Not a chance."

"Figures."

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So that's what I mean by a "Big" or "Small" solution. So, figured I would give you some variety/say in what I write. Think of an issue you want fixed (I could do this by myself, but that would be boring. And I would run out of ideas as soon as John kills Gwen the first time. So I need other people's input).

Thank you and hope you like it!


	3. Chapter 3: Donna Lovin'

The John Hart Solution

Chapter Three: Donna Lovin'

Written for my friend, Ali. She said that Donna didn't get enough action in Doctor Who, and deserved a Boyfriend. I said great, John can easily solve that.

Seriously people, I only have one more back-up plan for this! I need suggestions. Only one person has promised me one! Gahhh!

Disclaimer: Has Hart ever shown up in Doctor Who? No? I don't own anything either.

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"And you know Doctor-" Donna was cut off mid-sentence by a relatively attractive, odd man teleporting into the TARDIS, grabbing her face, and snogging her senseless.

"Wow…" She managed after he let go. The man smirked, then pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket.

"This is for you. I think you'll find he and you share some… things." He grinned, passing over the paper. Donna opened it, surprised to find a phone number, with a name above it.

"Alonso Frame?" she asked, looking curiously between the two men. The Doctor had gone uncharacteristically quiet. He also seemed to be a decent bit paler than he had a few minutes ago.

"Hart?" he asked dubiously, staring at the man. John grinned, winking at the time lord.

"Yup. That's me time-boy." He glanced at his wrist strap. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a date tonight." He stepped back once more, grinning.

"Wait! You mean you teleported into the TARDIS just to hook Donna up?"

"Well, yeah. No point wasting such a pretty lady's time with you stuffy old man." John snorted. "Besides, you may be seeing me very soon."

With that, he disappeared just as quickly as he had come.

"So… you got a phone space boy?" Donna broke the silence, reading the phone number. The Doctor gave her an odd look, but had long since learned against speaking.

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Several years down the road, the planet was celebrating the marriage of Mr. and Mrs. Noble-Frame (Because Donna refused to just take someone's name, and the ex-midshipman was perfectly fine with that. He was just happy the marriage ceremony was over in three hours, as opposed to the seventy five required on his planet.)

And now the Doctor could say "Allons-y Alonso" as much as he wanted.

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Review?


	4. Chapter 4: Meat, Fixed

The John Hart Solution

Chapter Four: Meat

My second suggestion (aside from history class) was about Jack and Gwen at the end of "Meat". SO, you know, I intend to turn the whole scene into shameless Janto fluff. This is for you, sd4ianto!

Disclaimer: Sill only own the plot… well, not even that. Don't sue me!

WARNING! WARNING! Will contain swear words, name calling (some are quite bad), mild violence, references to M/M (wait, you're reading this… that should be a good thing…), John acting as pissed off b*tch, SEVERE Gwen-Bashing. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

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"I'm not doing it, I won't drug him."

"You have to!"

"We can't allow him to remember."

"It's the rules."

Gwen glared at them each, her eyes settling on Jack for her tirade about love and how they all believed it was so "Cold and lonely" and they "don't understand".

"I won't do it." Gwen steadfastly refused, meeting Jack's gaze and holding it.

John stood from the couch, stalking over to her. He had been there, waiting, for the past ten minutes, ever since they had returned to the Hub. In all honesty, he had only come to rescue the alien, having no interest in Torchwood. But when he had seen the bastard sadist point a gun at Eye Candy, well, the sniper rifle he had left on the table wasn't just for show. Rhys hadn't been shot, but the bullet had ricocheted after John shot several holes in one of the nearby containers. Shrapnel could be useful sometimes.

Standing, he approached the fuming Welshwoman. Staring her straight in the eyes, he left no room for argument, or comment. He knew how important it was that Rhys was retconned, or else the whole of the world could be at stake. Even more important though, was to draw a line. He had seen Gwen's behavior firsthand, and frankly, he had had enough.

Suddenly, a stinging slap sounded through the Hub. Gwen clasped a hand to her face, clearly in shock from having just been hit. She opened her mouth, obviously intent on a biting retort, but one look at the man in front of her silenced any fight. John fixed her with a cold, patronizing look, daring her to speak. Because indeed, John Hart was, in fact, the biggest bitch this side of the Milky Way, and no stupid welsh harlot was going to wrench that title away from him. HE had earned it squarely, and without lusting after another man's boyfriend. No. He just protected what he viewed as his or his friend's fiercely, and without regards for the consequences. Gwen could only dream of such loyalty. Currently, he was valiantly defending Jack and Ianto's relationship, seeing it as the best thing for his ex-partner right now.

"You gave up your rights to being a lady the moment you let your lust get the better of you." John refuted calmly, looking down on the short woman. Gwen opened her mouth, but John cut her off again. "My mother may have taught me chivalry, but she also taught fidelity. Never once have I gone behind my partner's back after we promised monogamy. You, you have slept with Owen and at least three other men – don't deny it, you reek of them – since joining torchwood. You are constantly lusting after Jack, undressing him with your eyes even as you kiss the man you purport to love. You have no respect for other established relationships, especially between two men, and steadfastly oppose the entire prospect. You don't think that Jack is satisfied with Eye Candy, and that he'll eventually turn to you for that release. You, Gwen Cooper, are the farthest thing from a lady that I have ever come across, and you are nothing more than a dirty, selfish whore."

Gwen opened her mouth, this time managing to speak before John cut her off.

"How dare you? I have been faithful to Rhys ever since he proposed-"

"Except for that one time in the bar."

"And how dare you lie! I do not lust after-"

"And you're calling me a liar." John snorted. It seemed for every point Gwen scrounged up to defend herself, he easily had three more rebuttals lined up.

"You have no right! You're just a low down, dirty, stinking sadistic bastard who fills up his free time by spreading his legs like a fucking rent boy for whoever or whatever comes his way!"

The sound of flesh hitting flesh sounded again, harsher this time. John lowered his hand, his eyes cold. Gwen once again held her face, staring up from the floor at the ex-time agent, surprised by the force with which John had backhanded her.

"Just looking at your lying face makes me sick." John snarled, grabbing her none too gently and forcing her to her feet. "And that's a pretty tough thing to do, because I have seen things that would give you nightmares for years to come. I have been put through hells and tortures that would make you beg for mercy after only an instant. Don't you dare try to take the high ground with me _little girl_, because you will drown." The last part was a sneer, as he pushed Gwen away from him, towards the cog-wheel door.

"Now get out of my sight." He ordered. Gwen looked around, searching for any sigh of compassion or support in her co-workers eyes, but all she found was cold, hardened contempt. Sighing, she spun on her heel, stalking towards the door.

"Oh, and Gwen?" Jack's voice broke through the silence. She turned again, hoping that he would rise to her aid. "You retcon Rhys, or don't bother coming in. Understood?"

Gwen started to speak, started to argue, but decided against it. Instead, she nodded, knowing that her luck with Jack had finally run out. Silently, she nodded.

After she had left, the group all let out a uniform sigh of relief.

"Thank goddess that wench is gone." John sighed. "I was about to suffocate on her perfume. Is she always that bad?"

"Unfortunately." Ianto confirmed, handing John a mug of coffee. "And thank you for that by the way."

"Eh, it's nothing." John shrugged it off. "Besides, what's being a bitch good for if you don't get to put little snobs in their place from time to time?"

Everyone nodded their agreement, silently glad that for once, the line had been drawn, and thoroughly defended.

"Oh, and by the way Owen… Pink is totally your color."

"Still not interested Hart!"

"Bugger." At least Andy would be off shift soon…

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Like it? Hate it? Totally confused? Review Please!


	5. Chapter 5: Fix Capitol Hill: Pronto

The John Hart Solution

Chapter 5: Fix Capitol Hill – pronto.

I needed to get this up fast, so sorry for it interrupting my suggested chapters, but it would be bad if congress started working before I posted it. Inspired simply by the one issue nearly every American (except for that one kid in the back of my history class that commented, "wait, what happened to the Government?" this morning) wants fixed ASAP. The fact is that we are in a very civil state of anarchy. We're all just too polite to start rioting in the streets.

Anyhoo… I hope you find this to be a humorous chapter. I spent many seconds thinking about how to get it to work. And I REALLY need suggestions. It will be much more interesting that way. Oh, an, Oops! I posted some of them out of order. Just wait, the Trek one will be up soon!

Disclaimer: I am not James Madison, Benjamin Franklin et al, RTD, nor James Marsters. Thereby, I really do own nothing. Except my spoon. I own that.

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The House, as usual, was bickering. Well, not bickering per-se, but they certainly weren't getting any work done. Despite the government being "Shut Down", they all seemed pretty oblivious to the issue, instead wasting time arguing and reading green eggs and ham.

That is, until a certain ex-time agent appeared in their midst, dressed in skinny jeans, a Napoleonic jacket, cowboy boots and katana – along with the president and their 100 peers from the senate.

"Honestly you lot." John smirked. "I thought it would actually be difficult to get all 536… seven of you in one room." (and that is actually the right number. I used a calculator. And forgot the vice president for a second there. Whoops.)

"Who are you?" the president demanded, getting up from where he had landed – quite ungracefully – between the representatives from Nebraska and North Dakota. John simply shrugged.

"Let's just say I'm a third party with a vested interest in getting the government back to work, shall we?" he suggested, as he silently placed the room in a time lock. Now there was no chance of the bureaucrats leaving until they were done.

"There. Now, any questions?"

The room erupted into noise. John rolled his eyes, whistling loudly to get everyone's attention. The politicians fell silent.

"Excellent. Now, one at a time, and raise your hand for goddess' sake!"

The senator from Nebraska, who was eyeing the president warily (not entirely convinced his landing on top of her had been by accident), raised her hand, and was chosen to speak first.

"Why are we all here?" she asked politely. While they may not be the best policy makers, congressmen were at least intelligent enough to realize that a man with a katana and two futuristic looking guns deserved some measure of respect. John grinned.

"Now there's an intelligent question. You are all here – hey, Wyoming, listen will ya' – to finally get a budget finished, so that the government can start working again, and I can go home in time to make my boyfriend dinner."

Several of the politicians (both republicans and democrats) looked perturbed by the concept of being held by a _gay _lunatic (Right, because that was much worse than a homicidal, heavily armed, probably violent lunatic who happened to be straight. Got it). However, they were smart enough to not question him. Good for them, because, as flattered as John was that they implied he was happy in his relationship, such terminology was (and I quote) "archaic, crude, and quite frankly stupid".

Another person raised their hand. "Yes, New Hampshire, go."

"What do you care?" the man asked, clearly resisting the urge to cower in terror behind his desk. John rolled his eyes.

"Not really important, let's say an American has something over me, and leave it at that." He was totally not going to explain his sex life to these infertile pansies.

"Now, on to business!" He rapidly changed the topic. "Oh, and Presi- ouch, I was gonna tell you not to do that. There's a time lock around this room. So, you know, no one will be leaving until I say so. Oh, and if you desperately need to pee, here's a trashcan, there's a corner. Have at it."

And so, John spent the next four… five… six hours sitting around listening to the American political system fall to pieces, before he finally got well and truly bored of his task as mediator. So, he called Andy.

"Hey honey… yeah, still here." The room fell silent, the politicians all listening in on his one-sided conversation. "No, really! Did you know that they seriously don't get along for anything? Really Andy, it's like the iron curtain… actually, more like the shower curtain but … hey! I heard that!..." The congress people (and president) became very concerned about what the other voice was saying. "You are a cruel, cruel man Andrew Davidson, you know that? Just wait until I get through with this – hold on," John covered the mouthpiece, glaring at all of them. "Is the budget done?" guilty faces looked at shoes. "Well then what are you listening to me for? Get to it!" he uncovered his phone. "Sorry about that, politicians… yah, tell me about it!"

For the next two hours, John called Andy three more times, topics ranging from the weather – in Cardiff, District of Columbia, and West Chester (for the hell of it) – to Torchwood's latest escapades, to what to have for dinner.

They had decided on chicken strips and green beans by the time the budget was done.

Meanwhile, that morning (at 7:40, ET), a very bored class of 17 year olds was watching the West Wing Episode on government shutdown. Their teacher had an endless sense of irony. One girl in the front, however, was preoccupied by both her yogurt (which was breakfast, and who decided green yogurt was a good idea?) and staring at the clock.

'We haven't been interrupted be breaking news from DC yet.' She thought sadly. 'John must be taking longer than I had hoped. Oh well. My coup will just have to wait. Sigh.'

It seemed her plan to get the government fixed wasn't working as well as she had hoped. But she had faith in John. Also, she had serious blackmail material. This morning, she had threatened John with authoress-induces celibacy for both Andy and him if he didn't do something about Congress.

Best. Blackmail. Ever.

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See, I told you I owned my spoon! For those of you who didn't get it, that was me this morning, eating Key Lime flavored yogurt and watching West Wing in history class.  
And I fear… My secret identity may have been revealed! Seriously though, if you actually do know me in person, feel free to PM. Other than that, Review Please!


	6. Chapter 6: These are STILL the voyages

The John Hart Solution

Chapter Six: These are STILL the Voyages…

MY FIRST SUGGESTION! YAY! I was ecstatic. I hope that this works for what you had in mind, BelladonasMom.

shows/enterprise/ if you want to watch the episode. It probably won't make any sense without any context.

Disclaimer: There is so much I hate about Torchwood and Star Trek: Enterprise. Much like one hate's that one chapter in your favorite subject that just frankly makes no sense.  
Over all, no, I don't own anything.

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Well, of course nothing could ever work for them, could it, thought Archer, as Shran explained his current predicament. The universe just had it in regarding the Enterprise and meetings (he would be amused to find the same thing would also apply to their descendants, as well).

And, as usual, Shran was once again, unsurprisingly, not dead. Anyway, an hour after having contacted them, Shran was in Archer's ready room, and the ship had, temporarily, put off the trip back to earth. However, just as Shran was explaining about the Tenebian Amethyst that he was accused of stealing, the air next to him rippled, spitting out a rather disgruntled man.

"Hart?" Shran all but screamed (not shrieked, as Archer would later claim. No, andorians do not shriek in an unmanly fashion. It's just undignified.)

"Sheesh, that's the welcome I get?" the ex-time agent rolled his eyes, stepping towards the desk. "No, hi how are you, what are you doing here, can you get my kid back?"

"You have a way to bring my daughter back?" Shran demanded, his antennae curling towards each other. John rolled his eyes.

"What good is being from the future if you can't solve things like that?"

At the word future, Archer returned to alertness.

"The future?" he asked, more wary than doubtful. John grinned.

"I'll explain a bit, but we're going to need more room. And probably a bigger table."

And that was how it came to be that Tucker (Trip to his friends), T'Pol, Archer, Malcolm, Shran and John were gathered around the table in the rear of the bridge, all but the prior listening intently.

"… And that's how I came to be here." John shrugged. Then, he seemed to remember something. "Oh, and guess what I found?"

He pulled a large, purple stone out of a pocket in the carry-all he had slung over one shoulder.

'How did you find it?" Shran exclaimed. John shrugged once more.

"Long story, it involved conning a ferengi, a klingon, and half a dozen Raxacoricofallapatorians."

Shran grimaced. "What planet were they after this time?"

"Andromeda."

"Ah." That made sense. While Shran knew little about the other man, he was pretty sure he was born in that system.

"So what do you propose we do with it?" The cute British one asked (or Malcolm, as his mother had actually named him).

"Oh, that's where this… hold that for a second." John threw the amethyst at Trip, who managed to catch it, while he upended his bag on the table, scrounging through the contents. He seemed totally immune to the fact that, in addition to several weapons, a good number of condoms and a large plastic bottle fell out. John continued to search for whatever he had misplaced, while T'Pol picked up the bottle.

"Lubricant?" the Vulcan asked, with a dignified raised eyebrow. John smirked, unrepentant.

"Not for you darlin'. Had someone else in mind when I packed this yesterday." In fact, he had intended to bring the pack with him when he took Andy on a picnic into the welsh country side, but a certain Andorian getting into trouble had spoiled that. "Besides, you seem to have someone who would prefer I not suggest an orgy." He looked deliberately at Tucker, making the engineer blush.

"Ah, here it is!" John finally found what he was looking for, holding up a twin to the rock (sorry, 'gem') that Trip was holding.

"What is that precisely?" Archer asked, apparently hesitant of anything which came out of that bag. With good reason. (After all, they had studied the history of intercourse as a part of health class. And the packets were none too discreetly labeled.)

"Well, how's about I say that if you see it flashing, run and take cover?" john suggested, tossing the explosive replica between his hands.

"You mean _That_ will explode?" Malcolm asked, practically drooling at the thought. And he thought that the Enterprise had advanced weapons… He could easily see himself kissing the man for being brilliant enough to even think of that, let alone construct it.

"What? No! But it will produce an energy field lethal to any carbon-based life forms within twenty meters. And it'll do a doozy on anything within about a… mile, mile and a half radius."

(Unfortunately, this only made him more appealing to Malcolm's slightly-weapons-drunk brain. Andy would have been worried if he had been there)

The crew looked stunned. "Now, don't wait up, I'll be back in a minute."

With that, John teleported out of the bridge, leaving the crew mildly stunned.

"Huh." Archer mused. "I would've never thought we might actually meet a good guy from the future."

Of course, the definition of "good" is relative, but that's inconsequential.

A few moments later, John returned, carrying a small, pale Andorian girl in his arms and balanced on one hip. She was giggling about something, hiding her face in the man's neck.

"And then… Jack walks back into the kitchen, sees me with the soup, and just walks out!" John babbled, grinning. Of course, it was slightly distorted, because he was actually telling his story in Andorian. The young girl laughed again, before relaxing her grip on John's neck.

Suddenly, her antennae straightened, and she turned towards the rest of the group. Tucker swallowed, as a pale, veiled pair of eyes seeking him out.

'She's blind.' He realized faintly.

"Papa?" the young girl wondered, turning to face in Shran's general direction. The commander couldn't contain his joy any longer, and ran over, taking his daughter into his arms.

"Never let it be said that I leave a friend hanging." John smirked, handing over the child before putting his hands in his pockets.

"Thank you." The Andorian replied breathlessly, gazing at his child, as if he couldn't believe she was there.

John shrugged, refusing to accept the praise. Suddenly, the door swung open, and Hoshi walked in, followed soon after by a happily waddling beagle.

"Porthos!" John grinned, sweeping the dog off his stubby legs, and letting the furry critter cuddle against his chest. "Hi buddy? You seem to be doing pretty good for the first warp speed canine."

At that moment, the gears that had been clanking away in Archer's brain finally clicked together.

"You're that guy who found Porthos when he wandered off the night before takeoff!"

John smirked, amused that he had finally been recognized. "That wouldn't have done, would it? Couldn't let you leave the system without this little guy."

Deep down, although he knew that there was no room in Andy's flat for them, John was really a dog person.

Almost unnoticed, Tucker gazed longingly at the family reunion. John spared a glance in his direction, noting with some disappointment the despairing glances he cast at both Shran and T'pol. The Vulcan, however, remained oblivious, continuing her scrutiny of the Amethyst john had brought.

Silently, and still carrying Porthos, John stepped next to her, leaning down so he could whisper in her ear.

"T'pol." He muttered, catching her attention.

"Yes?"

"Look at Trip." She raised an elegant, slanted brow. "Please. Just look at him."

Sighing, she glanced at the engineer, before finding herself unable to look away once she saw the sadness that he radiated.

"T'pol, can you honestly explain to me the logic of forcing him to live out his days alone, without a family that we all know would be extraordinary? What is the logic in not allowing his genes to be spread and benefit all of the galaxy?" he paused, before pushing on. "T'pol, what is the logic in denying yourself the man you care for, when it could be so beneficial to the federation?"

With that, he turned away, carrying Porthos over to Shran's daughter, so that the girl could find some additional comfort in the familial creature.

Little did the rest of the universe know it, but it was John's words that night that led to the first ever half-Vulcan, half-human family. Or, that it would be the first of many, eventually leading to one very special man, who would turn to the Time Agency in his pain, and who would have the opportunity to travel with an incredible alien in a blue box, and live for over a million years.

"Wait, you mean that Jack is related to those two?" Andy asked incredulously, pointing to the couple sitting towards the back of the auditorium. John nodded.

"Yep. His family is one in a long line of descendants from the first ever Vulcan/Human family." He replied, wrapping an arm around the incredulous Welshman. "This is the day where four planets are forever joined, and that will eventually lead to further human colonization of space. Plus, it creates the basis for all future space agreements and treaties, the sum total of which…"

"Bring you to me." Andy concluded for him, snuggling closer to John.

"That it did." John chucked, pressing a kiss to Andy's curling hair. "That it did."

With that, he glanced to his left, smirked, then winked at the person who wouldn't be there for decades.

But it was well worth it for the look on Riker's face.

BREAK_

AN: I hope you enjoyed. And the bit about Jack, just hit me when I noticed how blatantly the make-up crew in season two pointed out his mildly pointed ears.  
Please, if you make a suggestion for a different show, don't tar and feather me if I politely tell you I've a) never seen it, B) it isn't on YouTube, and C) I don't have time to watch it. But if I do know the show, then I'll be more than happy to solve the problem for you. All you need to do is review!


	7. Chapter 7: Something Stolen

The John Hart Solution

Chapter Seven: Something Stolen.

Because Gwen didn't 'borrow' Jack in that episode, she blatantly stole him. So. Not. Cool. And John – being a skilled (and much better looking) – intergalactic thief himself, knows just how to get him back for Ianto. Simple, sweet, Something Borrowed fix-it.

WARNINGS: Gwen Bashing of epic proportions, JANTO (Yay!), Jealous Jack, John flirting with Ianto.

Enjoy, and, as usual, I don't own anything. If I did, these two songs (which I do not own, not old enough), would have at least made a cameo. Wooho!

BREAK_

John watched in disgust as Gwen _cajoled_ her way into Jack's arms for a dance, while the older man looked on, seemingly too hurt by his past to comment. Damn it, Gwen had just gotten married! She ought – like a faithful wife – to be dancing with her husband, not making bedroom eyes at her _boss_.

Finally, John couldn't take it anymore, it was making him sick to watch Gwen glom all over Jack – who still appeared to be vacant, his eyes glazed over with history. John knew he was thinking about all of his past marriages, and how every one of them ended in hate and pain. He could all but feel the sadness and regret flowing off of his former partner, as he wished fervently that Gwen wouldn't be marred by such a relationship.

Through Jack's eyes, Gwen was like another daughter, a child so young and innocent that you couldn't help but wish to protect her from the cruelties of humanity. By the same token, since Jack frowned upon statutory rape in all forms, he was a very uninterested partner in their flirting. She just provided a useful outlet, one which had previously been relegated to Owen – then dismissed, after Owen ran out of things to throw at him.

John stood, assuring Andy – who had joined in his wedding crash happily – that he would be back in a couple minutes. Surreptitiously, he walked over to the DJ, pulling a slip of paper out of his pocket, along with a twenty pound note. He handed both to the woman under the table, winking at her to ensure the transaction went smoothly.

It did. It went so smoothly, in fact, that John could see her preparing to interrupt the current song with what he had written on the paper. Not wanting it to appear too obvious, John quickly made his way over to where Ianto was sitting, watching Gwen sink her vile claws into his boyfriend. Yes, John knew that neither man was prepared to call themselves that, but they were practically married for Goddess' sake!

And if all went well, John hoped to be getting an actual wedding invite soon.

"Hey Eye Candy." John greeted, grinning broadly at the younger man.

"What do you want?" Ianto demanded, still watching Jack being molested by Gwen. He held an almost empty beer bottle, and John quickly diagnosed the symptoms of anxiety and loss. Damn it, Eye Candy was not going to spend the rest of the night crawling into the bottom of a bottle to die. He was sure of that.

"Seeing as Jack is busy being monopolized by the sleeze," He shrugged, gesturing vaguely over his shoulder, "I figured that you deserved to be asked to at least one trip to the floor."

He really hoped that that wasn't too vague, or that Ianto would think it was a euphemism. Fortunately, the younger man raised an eyebrow, fixing him with an odd look.

"Are you asking me to dance?" He asked incredulously. John rolled his eyes. He so did not have time to waste persuading Eye Candy.

"Yes, and I'm not taking no for an answer." With that, he forcibly hauled Ianto out of his chair, dragging him towards the dance floor. He just barely had time to wrap his arms around the Welshman when his requested song wafted over them.

"Outside another yellow moon/has punched a hole in the night time mist  
I climb through the window and down to the street/I'm shining like a new dime  
The downtown trains are full/full of all them Brooklyn girls  
They try so hard to break out of their little worlds"

Ianto listened to the lyrics briefly, before glancing back at Gwen and Jack when the 'Brooklyn girls' were referenced. A soft smile spread across his face as he turned back to John.

"You planed this."

"Maybe." John shrugged. "Now are you going to take advantage of this wonderful opportunity for making Jack envious, or are you going to stand there?"

Ianto laughed, bending down slightly to mutter in John's ear – "Lead away, _partner_."

Across the room, Jack's head snapped up at inhuman speed, swiveling away from his current dance partner – who was being way to clingy, he noticed. As his eyes settled on Ianto, wrapped in a far too close circle of John's arms, he felt a stinging, burning sensation deep in his stomach that he had almost forgotten the feel of.

For the first time in half a century, the green eyed beast rose within Jack Harkness.

"You wave your hand and they scatter like crows/They have nothing that'll ever capture your heart  
They're just thorns without the rose/Be careful of them in the dark  
Oh if I was the one you chose to be your only one/Oh baby can't you hear me now, can't you hear me now"

As the tempo sped up, John pulled Ianto into a more heated dance, the steps coming faster as he spun them around. Ianto couldn't help but grin, feeling the other man's body pressed against his.

"Will I see you tonight on a downtown train/Every night, every night its just the same/On a downtown train"

Ianto refused to glance over his shoulder to check on Jack, though he knew the older man was watching. Quietly, he wondered, "Is it working?"

John briefly glanced over Ianto's shoulder, taking in the sight of Jack watching them with undisguised jealous rage burning in his eyes. John bit back a smirk, noticing that Jack was now holding Gwen several inches away from his body, and his grip on her hand had weakened.

"Of course it is." He whispered back, barely containing his joy. "He's going to wind up setting something on fire with the way he's looking at you."

Ianto grinned, secretly pleased with how the evening was going. Any chance to rub Jack's commitment to him in Gwen's face marked a very good day. This day, with Jack having refused her in the barn, the reminder of how he rejected her in the cells – although he was certain that she probably saw that as his 'undisguised, secret, passionate desire for her' – and now his blatant refusal to look at her as Ianto and John danced, was turning out to be wonderful.

"I know your window and I know it's late/I know your stairs and your doorway  
I walk down your street and past your gate/I stand by the light of the four way  
and watch them as they fall, oh baby"

"They all having their, heart attacks," John sang along with the music quietly, only so that Ianto could hear him. "They stay at the carnival, but they'll never win ya' back."

Across the room Jack's gaze went well and truly green, as he watched John lean in to whisper in HIS lover's ear. His stomach twisted at the wry grin that spread across Ianto's face, as he made some remark to John's comment, whatever it was. Oh, how he wanted to run across the room, tear John away from his Ianto, and hold his young lover securely in his arms for the rest of the night

"Will I see you tonight on a downtown train/Every night, every night it's just the same/You leave me lonely"

Jack finally had had enough, and couldn't take just watching any longer. As politely as he could, he tried to break off with Gwen. Unfortunately, the woman was as stubborn as she was stupid, apparently, and it took nothing short of telling her: "Gwen, I know it's your wedding, but quite frankly, I'm not interested, and you have the wrong body parts" to get her off of his arm.

Gwen watched as he walked away, stalking over to the pair on the other side of the room. Of course, she understood that Jack was concerned for Ianto after all he was a team member. She wouldn't trust John's motives either. But did he really have to interrupt their dance just to go save the bloody tea boy? Surely not even John Hart could corrupt the Welshman's innocence in such a short time – and she doubted he had any left, brooding on how he had whored himself with HER Jack.

And for fuck's sake, just when she was certain Jack was going to profess his undying love for her, this bloody American song started playing! She had no illusions as to whose fault it was. This was clearly all a ploy for John to get Jack. And she wouldn't let him.

However, her poisonous train of thought was rapidly dispelled as Jack broke into their dance. John stepped away politely, smiling softly as Jack wrapped Ianto – the bloody Admin! – in a passionate, close embrace. There was no way that he really wanted to be doing that – it was just so that John wouldn't – all of her feeble, moronic thoughts were brought to an end as John practically skipped over, and swept an all too familiar form into his arms and onto the dance floor.

'Since when is Andy gay?!' Gwen wondered, mouth agape as she stood, in the center of the room, staring at the couples she refused to believe were happy. No! It had to all be false! John must have… released _gay gas_ or something, that obviously made all of the guys here Gay Freaks! (Uh-oh… Gwen, your inner homophobe is showing…)

"Will I see you tonight on a downtown train/All my dreams, all my dreams fall like rain/On a downtown train  
Will I see you tonight on a downtown train/Every night, every night its just the same  
Will I see you tonight on a downtown train/All my dreams, all my dreams fall like rain/On a downtown train"

Jack gracefully took Ianto from John, placing a hand on the small of his back, while taking his other hand in one of his. Ianto smiled, returning the embrace with a gentle grip on Jack's shoulder. Together, they moved fluidly, as Jack reflected on just how horrid he must have seemed that day.

Finally, he found the courage to whisper in Ianto's ear.

"It's a good thing that I'm more a fan of Bronx boys than Brooklyn girls, isn't it?"

The look on his lover's face when their eyes finally met showed that he had completely understood Jack's comment. Ianto looked deep into his eyes, a wide smile brightening his face. It warmed Jack's insides in places he hadn't felt the comfort of vitality in decades.

Jack took Ianto into his arms, holding the younger man tight and close, as the song changed. The tempo slowed, sliding into gentler lyrics. Jack smiled as he recognized the artist, and mentally threw a letter of thanks to John.

"When you're out there on your own /Where your memories can find you  
Like a circle goes around/You were lost until you found out/What it all comes down to  
One by one /The lonely feelings come /Day by day, they slowly fade away"

Jack couldn't find it in himself to ruin their moment by speaking. His throat went dry, his eyes watered with unshed tears, and he held Ianto still closer, moving both his hands to the younger man's waist. Together, they simply reveled in their shared silence, as the lyrics touched them, revealing pieces of them that neither had been aware of.

In fact, Jack was so sure that this song fit their relationship a little bit too perfectly, and wondered if John had gone back in time and bribed Don Henley.

"Should I stay or go?/I really want to know/Would I loose or win/If I try and love again?  
Ooohh gonna try and love again/Ooohh I'm gonna try and love again/Ooohh gonna try and love  
Right or wrong, what's done is done/It's only moments that we borrow  
But the thoughts will linger on/of the lady and her song/When the sun comes up tomorrow  
Well, it might take years to see/Through all these tears  
Don't let go/When you find it you will know"

Following that, Jack refused to remain silent.

"Ianto, I love you. I absolutely love you. And I know I will never, ever love anyone the way I love you, because you, for the first time in my life, have actually cared. You bothered to see beyond my stupid coat and flash and innuendo, straight down through to the real me. And for that, I can be nothing but eternally grateful." He paused, taking Ianto's face in both his hands. "You brought me back to life, and every single time I look at you, the world isn't clouded by regrets and pain anymore – just hope. And well…'it might take years to see through all these tears.'" Jack quoted softly. "But we'll get there, right?"

Ianto could feel his own tears threatening, as Jack proclaimed his love soft and strong. Weakly, he nodded, before collapsing into Jack's arms once again. Tears streamed down both their faces, but for the first time, they were happy tears.

And both of them were alright with that.

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Gwen, however, was not, as she stood in the back of the room, failing miserably o contain her fury. Ianto had stolen her man! Rhys was all well and good, but she still held out for Jack coming to his senses, as sweeping her off her feet. However, as she watched Jack bend Ianto down in a deep lunge, her heart fell. Mutely, she realized that she really was acting like a petulant child. A bit. But she still expected Jack to like her more – after all, she was his favorite.

However, Gwen turned around just in time to miss Jack pressing his lips to Ianto's, sealing their mouths together in a tight, intimate kiss.

BREAK_

Alright, there you have it. John is a master at lyric manipulation. And if you're interested, the two songs are "Downtown Train" by Tom Waits (although the only version I have heard is Rod Stewart's cover), and "Try and Love Again" by the Eagles (of which there can be no decent cover.)


	8. Chapter 8: A Good Deed

The John Hart Solution

Chapter Eight: One good deed…

I really did not mean for this to happen, but it just popped into my head. Drabble-esque, hope it will tide you over while I work on other chapters. Still own nothing.

BREAK_

"And You, Owen! You couldn't even let me do one good thing!"

"John, what are you talking about?"

"I tried to help the entire planet by killing off Gwen, and you had to go and be a competent doctor!"

"For fucks sake Hart, is this still about the poison lip gloss?"

"Of course! Wait… what else did you think it was about?"

"John, you're holding a knife."

"So?"

"Did you really think I wanted to be putting you on suicide watch?"

John glared, mumbling something about idiotic, presumptuous 21st century people. That is until Andy walked in.

"How did you get in here?!"

"Good morning to you too Owen. And has anyone seen Gwen? She's not been home, and Rhys is worried."

"…"

"What are you all looking at me for?!"

"Well John, you were just complaining about her not dying from the lip gloss."

"Lip gloss?"

"Long story honey."

"Oh."

"Still, John, what did happen to Gwen?"

"… It _wasn't_ me."

"that's not very reassuring."

"It wasn't meant to be."


	9. Chapter 9: I Will Wait For You

The John Hart solution

Chapter Nine: I will wait for you.

AN: End of Days = destruction of Gwen's character! Just what I needed in the middle of the week… it's therapeutic. I still own nothing, and this isn't cannon.

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"I want to sit with him."

"It's been days." Owen consoled as best he could, trying to convince Gwen that Jack wasn't coming back.

"I still want to sit with him. Alone." Gwen snarled, her voice leaving no room for argument.

"Tough." A new voice interrupted, as a stranger, unknown to any of them, stepped out of the shadows. The man strode across the room, his heels clicking against the bleached tiles of the morgue, fracturing the silence with every step.

The team stared, astonished at the unexpected visitor who has so suddenly arrived in their _secret_ base. As the man approached, Gwen took the opportunity to take in his appearance. He wore black jeans, with a light grey muscle shirt, over which he had pulled on a fitted leather jacket. She thought maybe he was English, since his accent was only a little off, but also sounded a bit like Jack's. In fact, she might even go so far as to call him attractive, with cheekbones that any model would kill him for without a second thought. She couldn't see, but she suspected that his hair was dark, seeing a few strands which stuck out from under his hat.

Unfortunately, she was already committed to Jack, and she was usually only a one man woman. Rhys should be honored to be the exception to that life rule.

"I'm sorry, who are you?" Owen finally asked, as the stranger stopped, gazing down at Jack's body.

"Doesn't matter." He commented off handedly, frowning at how pale his ex was. He was still sore about being rejected, but that didn't make him comfortable with Jack's uncharacteristic stillness.

"How does it not matter?" Gwen squawked. 'Don't worry jack' she thought 'I'll get them gone so that you and I can have some privacy.'

The man fixed her with a cold, cruel stare, his eyes hard. "Get out." He snarled, only breaking eye contact with her to shoot similar glares at Tosh and Owen.

"Um excuse me, but who put you in charge?" Owen replied. He was damned if he was going to let this stranger waltz in and take over.

"No one." The man replied, shrugging. "But I really think that you should leave. Especially you Cooper." He glanced at Gwen once more. "Seeing as you only seem to care about Jack when he's dead."

Gwen's mouth fell open, and she began babbling retorts. "I never! How dare you! You don't even know him!"

"I know him better than you ever will, child." The man snarled, his lips twisting into a patronizing sneer.

"CHILD? How – what gives you the right?!"

"I'll tell you once more." He responded, giving no indication that he had heard her outburst. "Get. Out. All of you."

Tosh, Owen and Ianto all started to move, too upset by Jack's death to really put much effort into protesting. Owen and Tosh walked out of the room unhindered. However, when Ianto tried to leave, the man stuck out his hand, catching Ianto's arm.

"Sorry, I should have mentioned." The stranger apologized, meeting Ianto's gaze. "Everyone, except you."

Ianto raised an eyebrow, clearly desperate to ask, but too polite to comment. Gwen, on the other hand, had no such etiquette.

"Why should Ianto get to stay?" Gwen scowled. "Jack chose me to go with him, so he obviously needs me to be here when he wakes up. Besides, Ianto's just the admin, and a traitor who nearly got us all killed."

Ianto colored at the memories her words invoked. It was true that he had been jealous when jack chose Gwen to go with him, but as they say, hindsight is 20/20. And the incident with the cyber woman …

He didn't even get a chance to finish his thought, when the stranger growled once more. This time, it was a legitimate growl, like the sound to a defensive animal.

"I told you to leave." He sneered, glaring down at Gwen, who still – stupidly – refused to vacate her stool. "And there are three very, very good reasons why Ianto – rather than you, you petulant brat – is going to stay here. Actually, there are around ten, but I'll give you the top six. One, Ianto is not a traitor, since he did not betray the team for greed or selfishness. He did it for love, and that is anything but treacherous. Two, both those arguments are irrelevant, since Ianto has been a full-fledged member of your team since then, and has proven himself in field work. Three, and probably the most important, is that He, unlike YOU, did not murder Jack in cold blood for a selfish, juvenile purpose. You willingly killed him, without a second thought, even though you didn't pull the trigger, simply to get your oh so precious Rhys back. Ianto, contrary to you, was told in his vision that opening the rift would save millions of lives, and was told nothing about Lisa ever coming back. Oh, which leads me into point five: you have a boyfriend, Cooper, who you claim to love oh so dearly. But have you even been home once to see him after that first day? No? Then why were you so very willing to do anything, even endanger the whole of the earth – all of the universe! – to get him back, if you're only going to sit here like a grieving widow." Gwen opened her mouth, but the man cut her off.

"And the sixth reason, the most important reason of all of that Ianto is Jack's lover. Not you. Never will be you. If Jack had wanted you Gwen, he could have easily had you. But he chose Ianto. And don't you think that means something?"

For the first time in her life, Gwen was speechless. The stranger took advantage of her shock, grabbing her none too gently by the arm and man handling her out of the morgue. When he returned, Ianto had taken his place by Jack's side, mournfully staring down at his lover – so cold, so still, so /dead/.

"Thank you." Ianto finally spoke. Meeting the stranger's eyes once more. "Even if I don't know you yet."

John smiled, knowing that Eye Candy would be the first to catch him. "Okay, you've got me. But honestly, she deserved it. I meant what I said – Jack chose you. And you should really trust him. It's not often that he's monogamous for someone. You're special Ianto Jones."

Ianto raised an eyebrow. "You talk like you know all about us, but I've never seen you before. It was kind-of obvious that you were someone from our future. Don't worry, I won't ask. Just… he does come back, right?" Ianto looked at him with such a face of utter devastation and hopelessness that John could barely take it.

"Yes. He does." At that, John made a strange gesture, a sweeping motion with one hand, changing the shape of his hand at each part. Ianto declined to ask, simply putting it down to something from the future.

"Take care of yourself." John told him, preparing to leave once again. He couldn't be there when Jack woke up. But he hoped that he older man would check the security footage, and see the silent message he had left.

"I will." Ianto promised, sitting down of the stretcher with Jack. John nodded, before making his way out into the darkness of the hub. Ianto heard a sound like a cracking, but a moment later, it was gone. And so was John.

BREAK_

For the first few minutes, all he did was stare. Ianto had already mentally prepared himself for the trauma of being relegated to Jack's office, as Gwen monopolized Jack's bedside. But now, he was alone with his lover, with assurances from the future that he would come back.

All it seemed he had to do was wait. So wait he did.

Ianto fixed Jack's hair, deliberately and painstakingly interfering with the hideous comb-over that Gwen had forced on him, taking a distinct pleasure from the knowledge that Gwen was most likely watching. She could finally deal with the fact that he was the one who really knew Jack, and that he was the only one who could touch him like this.

After sitting for what felt like hours, Ianto gave in to the urge to be closer to his lover. Pulling his tie off, He stood, hanging it and his jacket over the back of his chair. Then, he climbed up on the slab, cradling Jack's lifeless body in his arms. He shivered, but still lay with him.

Ianto knew that Jack hated to be alone when he came back to life. If Gwen thought she was the only one who knew about Jack's curse – or as she saw it, superpower – then she was wrong. So he lay there with his dead lover, waiting.

"I will always wait for you Jack." Ianto promised, leaning his head gently against the man's cold chest. "I'll wait forever if I have to."

And so Ianto, true to his word, waited.

After twelve hours, his arms were numb, and Ianto submitted to the need to move. He sat up, gently ghosting his fingers over Jack's face. After a moment's hesitation, he leaned over, and pressed the softest kiss the world had ever witnessed to his lover's white lips.

As he pulled away, Ianto could feel a cool intake of breath breeze over his face. He smiled, gazing down lovingly at Jack, who looked up at him with the most beautiful smile and look of surprised joy ever to be beheld.

"Ianto." Jack breathed, reaching up with one hand to touch his face, almost as if not believing that he was there.

"Hello there." Ianto smiled, clasping the cool hand in one of his own, hoping to return some of the usual warmth to the digits.

Jack couldn't do anything except smile and laugh, holding Ianto close, almost as if he could leave at any second.

"Go out to dinner with me?" Jack proposed suddenly, gazing deeply into Ianto's eyes. He knew that there was a danger in loving the young man, a danger in wanting to go beyond the casual. But if he had learned anything from the past days, it was that time was precious, and should never be squandered with such idle things as fear and regret.

Ianto's responding smile brightened the very tips of Jack's soul, warming him from is prolonged mortem.

"Yes."

And that one word made the world turn for Jack Harkness.


	10. Chapter 10: Continuations

The John Hart Solution

Chapter 10: Conclusions

Alright, so I felt like I left some chapters hanging. So I decided to write one page (ONE PAGE!) of conclusion for each. For those of you waiting for the Donna/Alonso, that's going to be its own chapter. I'm just waiting for the plot bunny to come after me with the frying pan again…

Still own nada, still getting no money. This makes for a bad court case for you. Don't sue.

BREAK_

MEAT: John explains the incident to post-retcon Rhys, and saves Gwen's relationship.

The next day, Rhys answered the front door, mildly surprised when a man he had never seen stood there. He had been confused and disoriented when he had woken up that morning; even more so when Gwen had offered no explanation, and simply requested he not go into work that day. Admittedly, he had wanted to protest, but had decided against it.

"Rhys?" the stranger, now standing in his doorway inquired, giving him a puzzled look. "Rhys Williams?"

"Yeah, that's me." Rhys nodded. "Who wants to know?"

"Oh, right. You don't remember me." The man grinned sheepishly. "John Hart. I work with Gwen. You got in a pretty bad accident yesterday."

Rhys raised an eyebrow. "You know about that?" he had figured that he just had some short term memory loss or something, nothing that anyone else would ever have to know about.

"Of course!" the man, John, exclaimed. "I came over to check up on you. Gwen said you were fine, but our medic doesn't trust her."

Rhys blinked, before moving aside to let John into his flat.

"How come I've never heard Gwen talk about you?" He asked, standing by the door. John shrugged.

"I'm still pretty new. She probably hasn't accumulated any funny stories about me yet." He then turned his attention back to the Welshman by the door. Rhys shifted, uncomfortable with the man's gaze on him, when it felt far too familiar for a stranger's scrutiny.

"You seem to be doing pretty well, all things considered." Rhys raided an eyebrow. "Well, you were caught in the crossfire of a pretty bad case Rhys. You could have been seriously injured. In fact, you're lucky you only got scratched."

Rhys glanced down at his arm. He had no idea how he had been injured, but several small scrapes and cuts were all over his right arm, leading him to suspect that he hadn't just gone on a drinking binge. Gesturing for him to sit down, Rhys listened patiently as John explained everything that happened yesterday.

And just like that, it all made sense. Rhys nodded as John spoke, describing how his friend had been working with terrorists, and was shipping chemical weapons for extra money. Then Rhys had followed Gwen to work after seeing her at the site, and wound up getting tangled in the case. John spoke of how Rhys was very close to being shot, playing down his own involvement in favor of simply saying "I was in charge of cover fire". Finally, he described how Rhys had hit his head in the firefight, leading to a minor concussion, which caused his memory loss.

"Why wouldn't Gwen tell me?" Rhys finally wondered aloud, shaking his head. "I mean, I know that it's a dangerous job, but I would support her no matter what she's doing!"

"It isn't that simple." John comforted, laying a hand on Rhys' arm. "She had to sign the official secrets act, legally, she's not allowed to tell you. Hell, I'll probably get in trouble for telling you that much."

"Thank you for telling me." Rhys commented, still shaken up by the revelation that his girlfriend worked in anti-terrorism.

"You're welcome." John said, sanding from his place on the couch. "And I should go. They'll all be wondering where I went to this time." Rhys smiled, moving to see John out the door.

At that moment, the door swung open, a furious Gwen Cooper storming in.

"You!" She shrieked, pointing an accusatory finger at John. "You double crossing bastard! Do you know you just-"

"Saved your relationship?" John commented dryly, rolling his eyes. "Yes, I did Gwen. And you know, Rhys really didn't take the fact you work for anti-terrorist and 98% of your work is above the QUEEN'S head all that badly. So…" he stepped forward, leaning close so he could whisper in her ear, "You're welcome."

Gwen's mouth hung open wide with shock, as John simply waltzed out of the flat, whistling some tune that neither of them were old enough to know.

'I need to call Andy, see when he gets off shift.' John thought to himself. 'And you know… the whole CIA thing might be kina' sexy. Wonder if Andy can do an American accent?'

END OF DAYS: Jack leaves with the Doctor

Jack and Ianto returned to the main hub, hands firmly clasped together and swinging between them. Tosh was the first to notice the pair, running over and flinging her arms around both of them. Jack grinned his way through his greetings and forgiveness of Gwen and Owen, before taking Ianto into his arms once more.

"Now, Gwen… you were talking about someone, how did you put it, 'interrupting' in the morgue?"

"Yes! This random guy just showed up in the morgue, and he kicked all of us out, except for the bloody tea boy!" Gwen shrieked, moving her arms exaggeratedly to get her point across. "Oh, Ianto, he didn't hurt you or anything, did he?" She suddenly changed her tone, adopting one of transparent caring. "I couldn't stand the thought of that creep doing anything…"

"Who?" Now, Jack's interest was piqued. No one touched HIS Welshman and got away with it. Especially not a 'creep'. Ianto smiled.

"You need not worry, sir, nothing happened. Nothing except things being put back to how they ought to be." He gave Gwen a very, very pointed look. "You can check the CCTV if you like. I'm sure you may recognize him. After all, he did have a Vortex Manipulator."

Jack spared a moment to give Ianto a strange look, but dismissed it as he sent the rest of the team home early.

As soon as the others gave him his space, Jack nearly bolted to the nearest computer, checking the CCTV footage from the morgue. He watched, transfixed, as his Ex-Partner (who was supposed to be _dead_) confronted his team. He was proud of Ianto for staying with him, and for not simply giving up when Gwen challenged him.

At the end of the tape, Jack noticed the hand sign that John made. He stared, playing the clip on a loop. It wasn't that it was difficult to translate – on the contrary, he would know that motion anywhere.

At that moment, Ianto returned from the Archives, breaking Jack out of his thoughts. The translation of the sign language John had left on the recording still burned into his mind.

_**Trust in the future**_**.**

Jack found himself unable to speak; to think; to even breath, as the man in front of him instantaneously became a reality. He could have Ianto as the lover, confidante, and other half to his broken soul that he had searched for for so long. All he had to do was trust in the future.

Before he could even speak, a sound Jack had long lost hope of ever hearing reverberated through the hub. The TARDIS.

Snapping into action, Jack took hold of Ianto, searching deeply in the younger man's eyes.

"Wait for me?" he pleaded, knowing no other request was necessary.

Ianto nodded. "I will always wait for you." He repeated what he had said while Jack was dead. "Forever."

Jack grinned, gifting Ianto with the most passionate, loving kiss experienced by man.

"Forever won't be that long." He promised.

With that, he swept out of the Hub, throwing a kiss to his lover as he ran towards his right kind of Doctor.


End file.
